How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone By Fixing 3 Mistakes

If you want to turn a friend into a girlfriend, first you need to learn exactly how you ended up in the friend zone in the first place.

In the previous article, we talked about how to go from friend to girlfriend by understanding a crucial difference between men and women — and that’s the fact that women keep their personal, social, professional and romantic lives separate from each other, while men tend to blur the differences between each.

The following are the most common mistakes that men make (and yes, I’ve made them too) when trying to turn a friend to a girlfriend that land them in this inevitable hell.

MISTAKE #1: Getting Too Deep Into Her Social Circle

This one isn’t nearly as bad as the previous two, but it can have serious repercussions and women are known to take this into consideration as well. Another way that guys try to get close to women is to get close to her friends. They figure that if her friends like him, they’ll be able to convince her that he’s a nice guy and that she should get romantically involved in him.

But that’s just not the way it works with women. Women get interested in a man first, THEN and ONLY THEN will she introduce him to her friends for their approval. It’s never the other way around.

That’s how you men get the line, “we’re too good of friends, I don’t want to ruin our what we have.” Because you nailed yourself deep into her friends and social circle, she’s afraid of what’s going to happen if things don’t work out. Someone will end up looking bad, and she’s afraid that it’s going to be her. She’s not going to want to lose her friends because of you!

MISTAKE #2: Getting Too Involved In Her Professional Life

I’ve seen some guys try to get close to women they’re interested in by offering to help with work. Hell, I’ve been guilty of this too. Some women (attractive ones, especially) love playing the helpless dame, because they know there will ALWAYS be a man who wants to play “knight in shining armor.” They’ll do whatever it takes to help her solve her problem, by either showing her how to do it or even doing it for them.

During college, I’ve even seen plenty of guys try to get close with a woman they want by making sure they’re in the same group for group projects, then calling study groups and unnecessary meetings in hopes that it will turn to something more.

If this is something that you do right now, know that it will NOT work. A woman has to know you a lot more than just what you can bring to the table professionally, whether that’s your career or school. Yes, there’s a social aspect to school/office time, but a job is a job and going to school is going to school at the end of the day. You have to get to know her OUTSIDE of these circumstances.

The same applies if she constantly asks you to do favors for her (could you pick up some gum for me, could you bring this to work, etc.). If you’re going to do small favors for her, then make sure she’ll do them for you as well. Don’t keep score, but make sure the two of you are on equal footing. I am known to constantly ask women to pick up a pack of cigarettes for me whenever I run out.

MISTAKE #3: Getting Too Involved In Her Personal Life

Not being sexist here, but women tend to complain a lot! Maybe it’s just the women that I’VE been involved with, I don’t know. But rarely do I meet a woman who doesn’t have a natural tendency to whine about all sorts of stuff.

(Now to be fair, all of us have issues that we have to deal with — it’s just that most men are conditioned to deal with theirs in private.)

Lots of guys believe that if they want to get with a woman, they have to listen to her complain about these issues that she has. And us being Mr. Fix-It’s (it’s in our nature), we will do whatever it takes to solve a woman’s problems — believing that if we do, we are doing something nice for her and they’ll get interested in us. Or that this is a way to get close to her, and then once we’ve “reeled her in” we can snag her after.

But this is flawed logic, because this will simply do nothing but place you in her personal category. This is the same category that her best friends, her sister, and her therapist is in!

This doesn’t mean, however, that you should act impersonal. But she needs to associate you with good feelings and not her problems. Do NOT play therapist and listen to her whine and complain — at least, not until she’s your girlfriend.

What’s The Solution?

The biggest mistake that men is to get themselves in too deep into one of these categories and forget the romantic category completely. I’m not saying that any of these are bad, it’s just that you cannot allow yourself to be “the guy who helps me out at work”, “the guy who listens to my problems”, or worst of all, “one of my good friends.”

The solution is to handle all these categories and get yourself into the romantic category AT THE SAME TIME. And that, my friend, is the secret of turning a friend to your loving girlfriend.

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Leave A Reply (1 comment So Far)


  1. rusty
    1549 days ago

    Help me!

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