This is a basic truth that you must understand if you want to have a chance to turn a friend into a girlfriend. Think about this for a minute; isn’t this something that you do yourself?

For example… Your close friends family is in the personal category, who knows everything about you. Your other set of friends is in another, basically sharing your social life with. They don’t necessarily know everything about you, but you enjoy doing the same activities together. At the same time, you have people who belong in the professional category. These are people you go to work or school with.

These categories stay in place, and once someone’s has defined their place in it, you don’t mix and match them. Coworkers stay as coworkers, friends stay as friends, and family stays as family. Wouldn’t you find it weird if a coworker you’ve never spoken to before suddenly starts being chummy with you and acting like he’s part of your social life?

Now here’s what you need to get. The main difference between men and women is this: women actually have a separate category for romantic interests, while men tend to blur the romance category in between professional and social categories. In other words, we have just three categories, while women have four.

Men will tend to pluck their romantic interests from the personal, social or professional category and keep them there. Meanwhile, a woman consciously decides whether you are deserving to be put in the romantic category before she even considers the thought of getting together with you.

With this in mind, do you see why so many guys fail in trying to turn a friend to a girlfriend? They get overly involved in one category — by acting as her therapist and solving her problems (personal), feigning interest the same things that she’s interested in (social) or using work/school as an excuse to get close to her (professional).

Guys who get put in the friend zone approach women they’re interested in and unintentionally work themselves deep into a particular category — whether they’re aware of it or not!

If you want to have any chance of turning a friend to a girlfriend, then you need to:

1. Realize what category you’re currently in, and
2. Slowly work yourself into the romantic category

As soon as you realize that this is your mission, then everything should be downhill from there on.

In another article, we’ll discuss how to do just this, as well as the common mistakes that men make that make women nail them down to a certain category. For now, just realize that this is your main mission. Once you do, you’ll be ahead of the rest of the pack who have the same mission as you do.

(And to dramatically speed up your progress towards your mission, I suggest you read on and to discover my exact method of how to turn a friend into a girlfriend by joining our Members Only section. Tons of people have had success with it, and it won’t hurt to take a peek.)

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Well, I’m here to tell you that this is absolutely false.

I’m going to list 10 basic commandments that you should follow if you want to have any chance whatsoever of escaping the friend zone.

1.) Thou shall not approach her in hopes of being friends first. When you first meet a woman, you know instantly whether you’re interested in her or not. Decide right away and do not make the mistake of planting yourself down as a friend. Take bold actions and NEVER ask for permission to do anything — it is better to apologize later than to ask permission now.

2.) Thou shall not wait for the perfect moment to do something. As forward as women may be these days, rare is the instance when she will be the first one to make a move. You are the man, and men don’t wait for movie moments to make something happen. Many times, you will find that she is actually giving you the hints to make a move — signs that you are too oblivious to pick up on. He who hesitates masturbates.

3.) Thou shall not make your interest too obvious. Escaping the friend zone means being a flirt and making her lie awake at night trying to guess what it is you’re up to. Show interest, but at the same time let her know that you are a man who are interested in other females as well. This is what “playing the game” means.

4.) Thou shall not put all your eggs in one basket. She might be the girl of your dreams, but you cannot be sure if you’re hers. Start pursuing other options while “working” your magic on her. Not only will you increase the odds of getting in a great relationship, but you also make her jealous.

5.) Thou shall not always be available. Your idea of a good time must NOT be dependent on her availability. You are a man who has a life outside of her. Say no to her invitations and break a date every so often; lie if you must (but read next point).

6.) Thou shall not get caught in a lie. Yes, it’s important to actually be busy and having a good time and doing all sorts of fun activities without her, but it all falls into shambles if she catches you lying.

7.) Thou shall not be a Harmless man. You need to make her see you as a man with sexual value. In other words, you dress well, have social status, are desired by other women, and that you are a regular male who does not suppress (but rather expresses) his sexual energy. Human beings always want what they can’t have.

8.) Thou shall not change your good qualities. If you’re already friends with a woman, she already likes you for who you are. You just need to amplify certain traits of your personality — namely, your sexuality. You can’t turn into an absolute jerk if you’ve been Mr. Nice Guy your entire life — engage in flirtatious banter, but keeping it light and playful, never just cocky.

9.) Thou shall pay attention to what she RESPONDS to, not what she says. Women have a habit to say they want something, but respond to a completely other thing. That’s why most women will say that she wants a nice guy for a boyfriend, but always ends up dating a jerk. Instead, pay attention to the traits and qualities in a man that she positively responds to, and add that on to your arsenal.

10.) Thou shall not give up too soon. Persistence pays off in this game. We will never truly know ALL the reasons why women decide to be “just friends” with a man, but we try to cover as much of it as possible. Keep going until you see fit, and you will be escaping the friend zone in no time at all.

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Unfortunately, if you’re in the “just friends” category then the chances of her being physically attracted to you are quite slim.

If there’s one technique that I treasure the most when it comes to avoiding the friend zone it’s what I call the ESV technique, or Establishing Sexual Value. Doing this does wonders for increasing both the physical attraction and emotional connection between you two. The beauty of it is that running ESV on a friend you’re interested in romantically and/or sexually is quite simple.

Imagine this for a moment: when she starts talking about other guys to you (how cute they are, how good they looked in that shirt, etc.) what do you do?

Most men will just quietly sit there and listen to the girl of their dreams yap about some other guy that makes them all hot. They get bothered and flustered, and have no idea how to react, so they do nothing.

Running the ESV technique simply means that you stop doing that IMMEDIATELY and responding back with your own story.

Why? Because by talking to you about other guys, it’s an indication that for her, you have low (or even zero) sexual value. And by saying nothing in return, you are not helping increase your own sexual value. And as a man who is interested in her, you cannot afford to do this. When you respond back with a sexual story of your own, however, she will automatically get feelings of jealousy — and that is to your advantage.

If you want to know how turn a friend to a girlfriend, then you’re going to need to develop sexual attraction from her (I talk about this in “Escaping The Friend Zone” in detail). So the idea of the ESV technique is to turn the tables on her and start talking about other women.

How does it work? Well, chances are that the girl of your dreams has an idea that you’re interested in her romantically. Maybe not consciously, but a woman’s intuition is sharp enough to know who’s interested in them and who isn’t. She’s used to getting attention to you in a platonic sort of way, and she enjoys it.

By cutting off that subtle attention you’re giving her and putting it somewhere else (by talking about other women), you are effectively cutting off her source of good feelings. Her happy source will suddenly disappear. And because getting attention from someone induces all sorts of addictive chemicals in the brain, she will want to get that attention back. That’s why jealousy, in most cases, make someone more attached to a person.

Of course, she’s not going to know what’s happening to her. She’s simply going to want to get you back on focusing on her, and she’s not really going to know or understand why. She will start developing feelings of unconscious attraction — and my friend, unconscious attraction ALWAYS TRUMPS conscious attraction any day.

So what do you do? It’s simple. When she starts talking about other guys, stay calm and listen patiently. When your turn to talk comes, calmly mention your story as a way to relate to her. Be extremely descriptive — just about to the point when she starts to get uncomfortable.

This works beautifully because by telling your story in response, she’s forced to listen to it. And by being graphic about the details, she won’t be able to help but picture you in her head along with your story. Women love fairy tales, and they excercise their imaginations by daydreaming and fantasizing.

She WILL picture you in her head, and this does WONDERS in establishing your sexual value and avoiding the friend zone. All of a sudden, harmless Joe becomes sexy stud. You know that you are successful when she 1.) tells you that you are too graphic, 2.) appears withdrawn or there’s a moment of silence, or 3.) she attacks the girl in your story in some way or form (it’s a defensive mechanism that tells you it worked).

If you want to know how to avoid the friend zone, then making her jealous and running the ESV technique will do wonders. She will see you as a sexual creature instead of just a harmless nobody — and women get together with guys they can see themselves having sexual intimacy with. So do yourself some favors and start making some women jealous today!

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In the previous article, we talked about how to go from friend to girlfriend by understanding a crucial difference between men and women — and that’s the fact that women keep their personal, social, professional and romantic lives separate from each other, while men tend to blur the differences between each.

The following are the most common mistakes that men make (and yes, I’ve made them too) when trying to turn a friend to a girlfriend that land them in this inevitable hell.

MISTAKE #1: Getting Too Deep Into Her Social Circle

This one isn’t nearly as bad as the previous two, but it can have serious repercussions and women are known to take this into consideration as well. Another way that guys try to get close to women is to get close to her friends. They figure that if her friends like him, they’ll be able to convince her that he’s a nice guy and that she should get romantically involved in him.

But that’s just not the way it works with women. Women get interested in a man first, THEN and ONLY THEN will she introduce him to her friends for their approval. It’s never the other way around.

That’s how you men get the line, “we’re too good of friends, I don’t want to ruin our what we have.” Because you nailed yourself deep into her friends and social circle, she’s afraid of what’s going to happen if things don’t work out. Someone will end up looking bad, and she’s afraid that it’s going to be her. She’s not going to want to lose her friends because of you!

MISTAKE #2: Getting Too Involved In Her Professional Life

I’ve seen some guys try to get close to women they’re interested in by offering to help with work. Hell, I’ve been guilty of this too. Some women (attractive ones, especially) love playing the helpless dame, because they know there will ALWAYS be a man who wants to play “knight in shining armor.” They’ll do whatever it takes to help her solve her problem, by either showing her how to do it or even doing it for them.

During college, I’ve even seen plenty of guys try to get close with a woman they want by making sure they’re in the same group for group projects, then calling study groups and unnecessary meetings in hopes that it will turn to something more.

If this is something that you do right now, know that it will NOT work. A woman has to know you a lot more than just what you can bring to the table professionally, whether that’s your career or school. Yes, there’s a social aspect to school/office time, but a job is a job and going to school is going to school at the end of the day. You have to get to know her OUTSIDE of these circumstances.

The same applies if she constantly asks you to do favors for her (could you pick up some gum for me, could you bring this to work, etc.). If you’re going to do small favors for her, then make sure she’ll do them for you as well. Don’t keep score, but make sure the two of you are on equal footing. I am known to constantly ask women to pick up a pack of cigarettes for me whenever I run out.

MISTAKE #3: Getting Too Involved In Her Personal Life

Not being sexist here, but women tend to complain a lot! Maybe it’s just the women that I’VE been involved with, I don’t know. But rarely do I meet a woman who doesn’t have a natural tendency to whine about all sorts of stuff.

(Now to be fair, all of us have issues that we have to deal with — it’s just that most men are conditioned to deal with theirs in private.)

Lots of guys believe that if they want to get with a woman, they have to listen to her complain about these issues that she has. And us being Mr. Fix-It’s (it’s in our nature), we will do whatever it takes to solve a woman’s problems — believing that if we do, we are doing something nice for her and they’ll get interested in us. Or that this is a way to get close to her, and then once we’ve “reeled her in” we can snag her after.

But this is flawed logic, because this will simply do nothing but place you in her personal category. This is the same category that her best friends, her sister, and her therapist is in!

This doesn’t mean, however, that you should act impersonal. But she needs to associate you with good feelings and not her problems. Do NOT play therapist and listen to her whine and complain — at least, not until she’s your girlfriend.

What’s The Solution?

The biggest mistake that men is to get themselves in too deep into one of these categories and forget the romantic category completely. I’m not saying that any of these are bad, it’s just that you cannot allow yourself to be “the guy who helps me out at work”, “the guy who listens to my problems”, or worst of all, “one of my good friends.”

The solution is to handle all these categories and get yourself into the romantic category AT THE SAME TIME. And that, my friend, is the secret of turning a friend to your loving girlfriend.

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It’s called the “Harmless” category, and once you’re in this, I can attest to you that it is VERY DIFFICULT to get out of if you’re trying to make a friend a girlfriend?

Why? Because if you got put in the friend zone, most of the times you actually had a chance with her romantically — you just fucked things up along the way and landed where you are. However, the Harmless category means that she — along with everyone else — understands that you absolutely have no chance in hell whatsoever to get with the woman.

So what are the types of guys that women consider to be harmless?

Gay guys: Ever notice that women tend to flock to the gay guy? A lot of times there’s a lot of flirting going on between them. Women do this because they believe that he is Harmless. He’s safe. They do the same with guys who COULD be gay as well.

Too young: When I was a kid, I had crushes on women MUCH older than me. I’m talking a 5 year old kid bantering with 18, 19 year olds in a very flirtatious manner. Often times, they would express how cute they found me and plant a kiss on my cheek. Naturally I thought I was a stud. But now I understand — they do this because they saw me as Harmless.

Too old: The same goes for guys in this category. Once men get in a certain age range, the possibility of sparks happening between him and a younger woman just becomes nil. I see this a lot in the office, where I sit behind a friend who every guy seems to think is a flirting target. She doesn’t respond to most of them, but she flirts back with the older guys. When I teased her one day about it, she calmly retorted, “Well, it’s nothing. He’s too old and pretty much Harmless.” Nuff said.

Taken: In my quest to discover how to make a friend a girlfriend, I always wondered why the hell women who liked me seemed to be in abundance whenever I’m in a relationship. When you have a girlfriend or are married, women seem to think that it’s okay to flirt with you, simply because she thinks that it’s okay.

Physically uncared for: If a man is morbidly obese, very poorly groomed or extremely unattractive in one way or the other, he is considered to be Harmless most of the time. What’s funny is that USUALLY more attractive women will flirt back with people from this category, especially if she’s outgoing. That’s because she knows that he probably thinks she’s out of his league, thus justifying in her head that it’s okay to flirt.

Weak personality: Guys who are extremely shy or have poor social skills are also considered to be Harmless by women, which explains why they often receive extra attention from the sweet/outgoing ones. Why? This is a woman’s nurturing side — they know that he probably gets no female attention from others, so they want to somewhat “take care of him” by smiling at them and giving them hugs. After all, they probably don’t have to guts to try anything on them.

If you’re wondering why she gave you the “let’s just be friends” line even if she was flirting back and forth with you, then this explains why. She was flirting because she thought you were harmless, but the moment that you expressed interest, she went running for the hills.

If you want to know how to make a friend a girlfriend, then the first four categories you sadly can’t do anything about. It’s the last two that you can. Focus on getting yourself in the best shape that you can (and no, round is NOT in shape) and improve your social skills, and your success in women will multiply tenfold.

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Join our Members Only section for FREE and get our report on how to IMMEDIATELY change the dynamics of your relationship with that special female friend of yours and turn that friend into a girlfriend!

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